Ich Bin Ein Beijinger

Check out the Ogilvy China Digital Watch

With considerable contributions by a few already-overworked colleagues, I officially launched the Ogilvy China Digital Watch yesterday. It's a bilingual blog about technology and marketing, and I'll be occasionally cross-posting things I write for that blog over here. Thanks for your patience with me for not posting too often of late. I think things will pick up again now that the heavy lifting is done. I welcome and encourage your feedback: if you know of good web sites/blogs I haven't linked to, or if you've got a hot tip, or want to suggest a post topic or even write a guest post yourself, please write me either at the address listed for this blog or at kaiser-dot-kuo-at-ogilvy-dot-com.

A Reply to Digital Media Magazine

I just flipped through the latest issue of Digital Media magazine (June 2007) and saw the following on the last page:

A couple of issues back, we pointed to a fine blog written by Ogilvy China's digital guru Kaiser Kuo. Lately, the blog, which used to carry insights into Kuo's day-job, has gone a bit tame. We've since heard the agency has been 'talking' to its employees about personal blogs. Does anyone else smell a muzzle?

No muzzles here. No excuses, either. Well, okay, some excuses: I've been busy and distracted with other extracurricular things, like helping out with the Obama campaign here in Beijing (and reading the Senator's two books, which I whole-heartedly recommend to anyone irresepective of political stripe or nationality), helping organize some AmCham events, trying to get through the big stack of New Yorkers on my desk, and of course doing my day job.

I started blogging with full knowledge of Ogilvy's rules regarding personal blogs, and was always careful to say well within the (very sensible) guidelines: don't talk about client work (duh!), don't engage in ad hominem attacks, etc. No, I've not been muzzled. Quite the contrary: Part of what I've been busy with at work is working on an official Ogilvy China blog that's going to be called "Digital Watch." It launches soon (exact date TBA, but it should be ready late next week). It's going to be bilingual--not fully at first, perhaps--and will cover anything that I or any of my colleagues come across that's related to marketing in the digital age. I have very high hopes for it, and as it's my baby I plan to devote quite a bit of time to it.

I'll keep this one going, but expect more posts about music, family, friends, books, politics, and general observations about life in Beijing and in China than about my work life. Read the forthcoming blog for a peak into that, if you're that interested.

The Apology Letter

An Ogilvy colleague passed this gem along to me. The back story: A creative friend of his was fired from a Bangkok agency for calling a client a prick, and wrote this for a poetry reading afterward. A year later, the same agency re-hired him. Presumably, the prick was no longer a client.

The Apology Letter

Dear consumers:
I apologize for dividing you to conquer by age, habit and class
I apologize for making self-esteem inversely proportional to the size of your ass
I apologize for bad grammar, bad taste, bad judgement, bad ideas—just to get paid
I apologize for telling you dandruff free hair gets you laid

I apologize for saying fun depends on what booze you drink
I apologize for making you self-conscious that your pussy stinks
I apologize for green tea extracts, VITA-ACE, and other chemical lies
I apologize for animating propaganda through the magic of CGI

I apologize for Powerpoint presentations on your insecurity
I apologize for hiding the fact that Fanta was invented in Nazi Germany
I apologize for Christmas cards devoid of god
I apologize for justifying the ridiculous price of an Ipod

I apologize for hypnotizing you with airbrushed skin, six-pack abs, bra-bursting megatits
I apologize for suggesting carbonated soft drinks have end benefits
I apologize for impossible dress codes like "sexy white" "devilish red" or "glittering gold"
I apologize for patronizing the young, hegemonizing the middle, and demonizing the old

I apologize for processed snack foods that have no nutrition
I apologize for free software that charges for the professional edition
I apologize for the myth of German engineering and Japanese quality
I apologize for branding corporate logos on the rawhide of charity

I apologize for surgically removing holidays from history
I apologize for pimping ideas and prostituting mystery
I apologize for shortening attention spans and erasing memory
I apologize for adding the words retro and megapixel to your vocabulary

I apologize for pretending that owning more crap makes life more efficient
I apologize for saying that every product is new and different, when it it isn't
I apologize for portraying 22 yr old women as mothers of three, and laundry as a sacred duty
I apologize for casting light-skinned French-Brazilian models to represent pan-Asian beauty

I apologize to the average, the dark skinned Thais who look like Thais
I apologize for poisoning your mirror and coloring your eyes
I apologize for problem solution, crisis resolution, black and white, product wrong product right, call to action, certified satisfaction, fuzzy logic Clear Your Mind, ten-baht salvation from the daily grind, instant gratification if you don't think twice, abstract freedoms with a concrete price, branded color cues instead of shades of gray, something to sell but nothing to say

I apologize for holding my tongue, holding my breath, holding my peace while denying the war
I apologize for forgetting what language is for
I apologize for agreeing with people who make me sick
I apologize for apologizing for calling that prick a prick

I apologize for three years, a million words and a not a truth to show
I apologize for not getting fired years ago

Sincerely,
Wes

PS: I'm available for freelance work. Thank you.